If you read this book it will likely be one of your books of the year. Motherhood: A Confession is beautifully written. (In the acknowledgments there is thanks given to Lauren Winner, who has helped so many others with what we might called theological memoirs and has written several herself.) It is a powerful reflection on being a mother and a disciple of Jesus. Inspired by St. Augustine's famous Confessions (well known to many from its early line 'all hearts are restless until they find their rest in you) — Carnes is a professor of theology who has taught the work numerous times — this is very much her own confession. It borrows its shape from Augustine's work, following the chapter themes and in some way it might be considered a commentary, but Carnes brings her own confession on becoming a mother and the impact that has on herself and her faith and of course on her daughter. As she explores motherhood she does in conversation with Augustine, and also scripture (Mary and Martha, the mother of Moses, Mary and Joseph, and more) and with the saints.
I must confess I've never read Augustine's Confessions — I have a copy and have been meaning too, perhaps now I'll get round to it.
I read Motherhood in just over a day — I found no rest until I got to the end! — but it is perhaps better read slowly and patiently because her reflections although her own, will be recognised and shared by lots of other mothers (and fathers), at least, if you live in the West. I am not a mother, but I am a father, and the both brings out some of the shared questions every parent faces and as well offers a perspective into what its like to be a mother — it might help us understand our spouses (I recognise conversations I've had in Carnes' descriptions of what motherhood is like).
While the whole book is rich in spiritual and practical awareness, the chapters on mercy, suffering, desire, temptation and domination are especially remarkable in insight, not least in that common conundrum of when you want a child to say sorry! This is an honest book. Carnes covers questions on how do we both protect our children from suffering and let them experience it; how do we balance work and play; how do let go of trying to enforce our will on another and more. My only wish was that Carnes might have reflected on motherhood when a second or third child come along (Carnes has 3 children) and how that is another re-adjustment in love and desire.
Having read Motherhood, I now want to read her earlier work — On Beauty and Image and Presence — which explore her interest in the theology of the arts.
This is a book for mothers, but also, as I've suggested, fathers too. It won't tell you how to parent, but it might help you reflect on (what Marcia Bunge calls) the vocation of parenting. It is a book for pastors (in understanding the parents in their congregation) and a book for anyone who wonders what its like to love God and neighbour, and in particular, little neighbours.
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